hay what's this

I just finished making ‘lunch’ and ‘dinner’ for myself for the next few days (on artist hours, so applying terms very loosely). Cheerfully orange carrot veggie curry with a side of white basmati rice and chicken soup with nothing but chicken, potatoes and seasoning in it (just the way I like it!). IT ALL SMELLS SO GOOD. And it tastes good too and I didn’t use any recipes to make any of it, I just basically took to some raw ingredients in the kitchen and after I was done, there it was. Edible home-made food! In _my_ kitchen!

This is a milestone and here is why: for the last decade or so of my life I was pretty much afraid of raw ingredients. Afraid! They were this crafty enemy, lying in ambush for me in the fridge, plotting ways to decimate my already non-existent confidence in my ability to Feed Myself On My Own, Dammit . They would trick me and spoil before I could get to them, or not cook properly/taste badly when I DID get to them. They would get freezer burn, or go sour, or, as was the case with an especially cheeky clove of garlic, START SPROUTING GREEN THINGS. Right in the fridge, in near-sub-zero temperature!!

But today… Ohhh, today. Today was the culmination of a year-long resolution to Learn How To Cook (a rocky path which mainly consisted of watching, hawk-like, while friends cooked delicious meals, followed by sneak attacks on the home fridge armed with nervously clutched recipes in my hand…) My road is still long and winding, I can see, but today was the first day in a long time when I faced my enemy with a level gaze, unafraid, and with the confident no-retreat stance of the ROCKIES. (Rockies armed with chopping knives, I had purchased these lovely CuisineArt knives recently, in hopes they will give me magical powers.) And let me tell you, internet—the enemy shrank back and averted its beady little eyes. The enemy started considering that perhaps we should be FRIENDS.

After my resounding victory in the kitchen I made chai tea and celebrated with cookies someone else made and reflected on how truly empowering it is to fight to succeed in things, small or great. Victories unearned ring hollow somehow, but victories you fought for… They reach deep.

…And now that I have my food conquered for the next few days, time to go do battle at the drawing table. Fight! W-win…? ;___;